What should I do?

"What should I do with my life?" has been in my head since the starting of the year. 2012 will be my last year in high school and I have done nothing worth to be called amazing. I am also taking my SPM which is sort of like your GSE or something. Its like your high school results that will determine which college or university you can attend and if you don't take this, well, for Malaysians, it means you're literally means you're uneducated or you're a fool. It seems like I don't worry as much as I do compared to other students. I hate the feeling when I see friends who's studying the hell out of themselves. And I am barely passing through life. I cannot count on my parents, they're getting old. They can't work forever. I am so frustrated that I cannot see or feel or even care about the consequences if I don't do well in my SPM. Sure my boyfriend wants to be an engineer or doctor but I can't count on him asking my hand for marriage, which is pathetic because we cannot count on another person. My family members always told me that I have to learn to be independent. I just don't know what to do. What happened to my previous life that made me turn out like this? I just don't know.

I miss my foster, I miss being a child, I just miss this thing that kept me going, that kept me full.
*sigh