Really panjang so brace yourself.

Assalamualaikum former love. Where do i begin? Since you said that was your last message to me, I think it should be fair for me, to send you, too, a last message.*sigh
Lets start by some questions that was in my head for a week. *sigh
*SIGH
1. I still wonder why you didn't come on monday, during that outing. You said you'd explain, but you didn't. I asked Syafiq, but he said " MANA LAH I TAHU "
2. What made or triggered your decision to end things?

I don't know, I just need answers. Unfortunately, your last message didn't give me any.
I do believe that maybe it was for the better. Allah is showing me the right way, after all, i did ask Him to lead me to the right path.

Okay, so that's the questions. Now let me express my feelings towards this whole thing, or should i say, my last message to you.

i don't know, when i got your letter, i was hoping things wouldn't end up the way it did. I thought it was all cleared up when it happened the first time. when i got your letter, i also wished it wasn't as short and as uninformative as it was. like i said, i need answers. also, i almost cried, but i held it in sampai malam. midnight probably, i let almost everything out to Maryam.

I just miss talking to you. i said truthfully, that you were the only one i could tell unexplained things to. i go to you when i'm sad, i go to you when i feel unwanted and annoyed by my family and i go to you, when i'm stressed and when i feel like a waste of space, you know, yang hari tu i told you about feeling those really unexplainable feelings. at least when i told you everything even if it didn't make any sense, about those stupid feelings, i felt better.
i also miss our late night calls, especially when we use to skype.

i just miss everything. but sometimes when i check up on you on facebook, it seems like you're doing so well with your life and that you're moving on way easier than me. or maybe it's just me being over sensitive. i just don't know. its been a week now, sometimes i feel okay and happy but sometimes i remember the past and tiba tiba like boom, sad sad sad.

Also, your departure memang gila ah off timing. cuz, i had those unexplainable feelings and i tak puas hati with my family especially with my dad and you.

I guess that's all. My leg hurts, my back hurts sbb stupid period pains and cramps like nak beranak. esok dah lah kena pergi penang tiba-tiba, don't mind though. then monday pergi tanah aina in sya Allah.

I still love you, i shouldn't, but i hope it goes away. Maybe if we see each other in the future......... idk, lets leave that to Allah. i cry when i miss you, and right now im crying cuz i miss you. I don't know if i can forgive you just yet, slowly i will. and yes, of course lah halalkan makan minum, gila ke apa kalau haram.

like seriously i hope it goes away other wise, pain. see ya when i see ya former love.

p/s : about the not saying i, aku etc. if you have no choice but to say it, make sure you know it in your heart/niat that it doesn't mean what it actually means... geddit? um okay.
Asalamualaikum, x.

Feel free to comment if you too, have unsaid things. Also this is my private blog, like really really private, i hope you don't scroll down and read my other posts.