-sighing sound-

hello there. its me again. guess what? the usual dilemmas. problems that involves myself and i.
stuff that i cant let go. the past should stay in the past. at least, thats what i keep reminding myself with. in fact, thats what everyones been telling me; to let go and move on. but how do you let go, when the rope did not cut through? do you get what i mean here? i mean, when you were left with no answers, but questions?

i guess i just never thought it would come to such terms. the realization has not come yet. it has not been digested properly. i have not adjusted myself with the current situation i am in. so many advices were given, but none taken seriously. every friend, every family member, every co-worker told me to move on. why cant i do that? WHY?!

i loved so hard. i fell so hard for a boy. i always felt so vulnerable and insecure when i am with him? why is that? i thought.. i thought being with somebody meant feeling comfortable with one self and being able to forget about other people's opinions. but why did i feel so fragile? why was i so easily hurt? is it because i was so afraid of losing him?

i remember crying myself to sleep thinking everything was about to fall apart. that the relationship has taken its course. that he stopped putting effort. those were the thoughts that zoomed through my head when i was with him. i should realize that it was a mistake from the biginning. that it was all puppy love.

okay so now i am wondering why i even loved him in the first place. he made me feel so small.
we accept the love we think we deserve? (thanks stephen chbosky)
I SHOULD STOP BEING SO MISERABLE AND REALIZE THAT I AM BETTER THAN HIM AND EVERYTHING.
i am strong, yet so sensitive. its time to take a straw and SUCK IT UP.
okay, writing this made me feel better. i have to go to work now.
i will forever love the internet.